← In Session with Byron

In Session · Watch

You Can't Fill Every Cup - Here's What to Do Instead

With Byron McCaughey · 17 December 2025

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey introduces a powerful metaphor for managing your time, energy, and attention: the cup-filling framework. Each value in your life - work, family, health, relationships - is like a cup. The jug of water you use to fill them represents your limited capacity. You can't fill them all at once, and trying to do so often leads to burnout, guilt, or dissatisfaction. Instead, Byron encourages you to identify which cups matter most right now, choose to fill them with intention, and make peace with the fact that some cups will stay empty - for now. By making deliberate, values-based choices, you can experience more fulfilment and less regret - both in business and in life.

Read along

Transcript

We all have different values in our life, and I often talk about them in session in terms of cups that are in front of you. Now, when we fill certain cups, there's benefits - and when cups are empty, there's costs.

The thing that I want to talk about today is that the jug of water that you have to fill those cups is only so big. You can't fill all the cups at any one given time. It'd be great if we could, but we don't have the time, energy, or bandwidth to do that.

So what I want you to think about is: in any given moment of your life, which cups are most important to fill? Figure that out. Is it work? Is it family? Is it self-care? Is it socialising? And be conscious of why that is important for you at that time.

And then be at peace with the fact that there will be a slight cost of other cups not being filled. In that way, you're able to enjoy the benefits that come from filling the cups that you've decided to put your attention on. And you avoid the feeling of regret, the feeling of distress, or wishing the what-ifs from the cups that you're not filling - because you've done it deliberately.

More episodes

In SessionWatch

Rumination vs Reflection: How to Escape Thought Loops

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey tackles rumination - that post-board-meeting, post-pitch spiral where you can't stop replaying what you said and analysing what they said. Rumination is not the same as reflection. Reflection means considering what happened, extracting the useful information, and moving on. Rumination is a loop - and the research is clear that it correlates with anxiety and depressive outcomes. On a practical level, it also means you're never fully present for the next thing: the work in front of you, time with your partner, moments with family. Learn the critical difference between reflection and rumination, a simple diagnostic question - have I learnt anything new from thinking about this in the last 24 hours? - and how grounding in your senses pulls you out of the loop, because the brain can't attend to the present and replay the past at the same time. If the answer to that question is no, you're ruminating. Come back to the present.

Watch & read more
In SessionWatch

The Conviction Myth: Why Certainty Isn't Leadership

In this episode of In Session with Byron - filmed while walking his dog Maya - psychologist Byron McCaughey takes on a persistent leadership myth: that conviction means being 100% certain of your path, and anything less is a sign you don't have what it takes. The research says otherwise. Leaders who hold conviction while actively seeking out opposing views are more likely to succeed than those locked onto a single perspective. Questioning your direction isn't flip-flopping - it's being cognisant of what you may not know. Learn why pure conviction is a trap, not a leadership requirement, what the research actually says about balanced perspective and success, and a question to ask yourself: have you been avoiding views that aren't your own? Go find the opinions that challenge yours. You'll make better decisions for you and your business.

Watch & read more
In SessionWatch

Why You Avoid What's Good For You (And How to Stop)

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey breaks down avoidance - why we don't do the things we know are right for us, and how a small shift in how we relate to our thoughts can make a huge impact. Speaking up at work. Posting your opinion on LinkedIn. Starting the business. Making the pivot. Your mind sees the potential bad outcomes - the argument, the criticism, the failure - and steps in with protective behaviours to keep you safe. The problem? Constantly avoiding what matters comes at a cost to your energy, motivation and wellbeing. Learn why avoidance is your mind's protection mechanism at work - not a personal flaw - the hidden cost of continually avoiding the things that would make your life better, and a simple way to thank your mind and take action anyway. Because the bad outcome your mind is protecting you from is rarely as bad as the cost of a life spent avoiding it.

Watch & read more