← In Session with Byron

In Session · Watch

Why You Avoid What's Good For You (And How to Stop)

With Byron McCaughey · 17 May 2026

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey breaks down avoidance - why we don't do the things we know are right for us, and how a small shift in how we relate to our thoughts can make a huge impact. Speaking up at work. Posting your opinion on LinkedIn. Starting the business. Making the pivot. Your mind sees the potential bad outcomes - the argument, the criticism, the failure - and steps in with protective behaviours to keep you safe. The problem? Constantly avoiding what matters comes at a cost to your energy, motivation and wellbeing. Learn why avoidance is your mind's protection mechanism at work - not a personal flaw - the hidden cost of continually avoiding the things that would make your life better, and a simple way to thank your mind and take action anyway. Because the bad outcome your mind is protecting you from is rarely as bad as the cost of a life spent avoiding it.

Read along

Transcript

Hi everyone, Byron here, psychologist for entrepreneurs. Today's In Session with Byron is on the topic of avoidance - and I like this topic because it comes up a lot, and small changes can make a huge impact.

So, what causes us to not do the things that we know are right for us? Or in other words, what causes us to not fill the cups in our lives that we know we want to fill?

The answer to that is the protection that our mind brings in to try and avoid some sort of potential bad outcome. If I tell the person at work what I really think about something, what happens if we get into an argument? If I put out that LinkedIn post with my opinion on something, what happens if people don't like it? If I decide that I am going to start that business, or I am going to make a pivot in what I'm doing, what happens if it goes wrong and I fail?

These are all bad outcomes according to the mind, and they have emotional costs. And your mind is just doing what it thinks it should do, which is to protect you with protective behaviours - in this case, avoiding those decisions or not taking them at all.

The problem is that if we continue to live our life in a way where we are constantly avoiding the things that are actually right for us, well, there's a cost to that. There's a cost to our energy, our motivation, our wellbeing, and many other things.

So once we are aware that it's just our mind trying to protect us, we can have a relationship with our thoughts that says, "Hey, thanks - but I am actually going to go and do that thing that's important to me, in spite of the potential bad outcome." Why? Because the bad outcome is not anywhere near as bad as the cost of constantly avoiding the things that are going to make my life better.

So that's a few words on avoidance.

More episodes

In SessionWatch

The Psychology of Not Putting All Your Identity Eggs in One Basket

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey tackles founder identity - and he's not here to tell you your role shouldn't be tied to who you are. He's been there himself: watching a business fold and feeling it as a hit on his sense of self. The issue isn't having your identity tied to being a founder. It's when that becomes the only thing you measure your self-worth against. Byron unpacks self-complexity theory - the idea that having multiple life domains (founder, psychologist, dad, husband, friend) means a hit to one domain doesn't take down your whole sense of self. When we're aware of those domains, we make decisions with more clarity and less fear. Learn why tying your identity to being a founder isn't the problem, what self-complexity theory says about withstanding setbacks in one area of life, and a simple exercise: write down everything you are besides a founder. Get clear on your domains, and you free yourself to make the right decisions for your business - not just the fear-avoidant ones.

Watch & read more
In SessionWatch

The One Freedom You Always Have: A Lesson from Viktor Frankl

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey draws on a powerful idea from Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning - that even when everything else is stripped away, we retain one freedom: the choice of how we respond to our circumstances. Frankl wrote this as a Jewish prisoner in a WWII concentration camp, and it's a principle Byron returns to often in session with founders. As entrepreneurs, we face our own adversities constantly - many of them entirely outside our control. But how we respond, the mindset we bring, and the actions we choose in the face of that adversity remain ours to decide. Learn why Frankl's idea of the "last human freedom" applies directly to founder life, how to separate what's outside your control from what's always within it, and a grounding reminder for the moments you're stuck worrying about things you can't change. No matter what you're facing, you always have the choice of how you respond.

Watch & read more
In SessionWatch

Rumination vs Reflection: How to Escape Thought Loops

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey tackles rumination - that post-board-meeting, post-pitch spiral where you can't stop replaying what you said and analysing what they said. Rumination is not the same as reflection. Reflection means considering what happened, extracting the useful information, and moving on. Rumination is a loop - and the research is clear that it correlates with anxiety and depressive outcomes. On a practical level, it also means you're never fully present for the next thing: the work in front of you, time with your partner, moments with family. Learn the critical difference between reflection and rumination, a simple diagnostic question - have I learnt anything new from thinking about this in the last 24 hours? - and how grounding in your senses pulls you out of the loop, because the brain can't attend to the present and replay the past at the same time. If the answer to that question is no, you're ruminating. Come back to the present.

Watch & read more