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When Putting Others First Comes at a Cost

With Byron McCaughey · 17 October 2025

In this episode of In Session with Byron, psychologist Byron McCaughey shares a common theme showing up in recent therapy sessions - deferring your own needs for the sake of others. Whether it's a parent skipping self-care out of guilt, a friend suppressing their wants to avoid conflict, or a founder keeping quiet to maintain harmony - it's all driven by care. But over time, this pattern comes at a cost: frustration, resentment, and disconnection from your own values. Learn why self-neglect can lead to burnout and resentment, how to reconnect with your own values without abandoning others, and a simple mindset shift to help you show up for both yourself and those you care about.

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Transcript

Lately in session, I've been hearing variations of stories of putting other people first - of deferring our own needs for the needs of others.

Now, this could be a parent who hasn't exercised in months because they feel guilty about leaving their children. Or a friend who's always doing what another friend wants, even though they hate it, because they want to be nice. Or a founder who's not sharing their opinions with their co-founder because they don't want to hurt their co-founder's feelings.

All of these examples are coming from a good place - there's care at the centre. The problem is that when we defer our needs for other people's needs over time, there is a cost. A cost of feeling frustrated, of feeling resentful, of feeling flat. All of these experiences are what tends to happen when we're not living in a way that's aligned with what's important to us - or in other words, our values.

So try and remember: when you're well, your family's well. When you're well, your friends are well. When you're well, your business is well.

So this week, go try and do something for you.

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