Emma Stone has built a really healthy relationship with her anxiety - so much so that she says it can be like a superpower.
That's not to say there haven't been periods in her life where the anxiety has had a detrimental impact. She talks about having panic attacks as a child and the fear of recurring attacks stopping her from leaving home (known as agoraphobia).
From a psychological perspective, there are three things that Stone does that have allowed her to shift her relationship with anxiety in such a way.
1. Acceptance without judgement
"Just because we might have a funny thing going on in our amygdala, and our fight-or-flight response is maybe a little bit out of whack in comparison to many people's brain chemistry, it doesn't make it wrong. It doesn't make it bad," says Stone.
In accepting her anxiety, Stone lets go of the struggle against it. It doesn't mean her anxiety can be ignored and not managed, but it does mean she isn't adding layers of distress driven by thoughts like "why do I always get anxious", "I wish I didn't get anxious", "what's wrong with me".
In accepting her anxiety without judgment, Stone gives it the space to exist without impacting other areas of her life.
2. Proactive mental maintenance
Stone is proactive in managing her anxiety, which prevents it from going into the red zone. She does therapy, meditates, and connects with people rather than self-isolating.
And perhaps most importantly, she talks about her anxiety openly - in her words, she tries to "own it". So often, the weight of anxiety lessens when we share our thoughts with others - getting them out of our heads and into the world.
3. Recognise the benefit
Once we stop labelling our anxiety as 'bad', we allow ourselves the possibility of recognising how our anxiety might benefit us. As Stone puts it:
"…if you can use [your anxiety] for productive things, if you can use all of those feelings in those synapses that are firing for something creative, or something that you're passionate about, or something interesting, anxiety is like rocket fuel because you can't help but get out of bed and do things, do things, do things because you've got all of this energy within you. And that's really a gift."
We can replicate Emma Stone's formula for a healthy relationship with anxiety by asking ourselves: What would happen if I didn't judge this part of me? How could I work with it rather than against it? And perhaps there is even a benefit that I haven't allowed myself to see?
Part of Short Tales of Psychology - a series about interesting humans and the psychological lessons we can apply to enhance our mental wellbeing and optimise performance. Subscribe here.
BM
Byron McCaughey
Psychologist for Entrepreneurs. Former VC-backed founder. Writes Short Tales of Psychology.
